


The Raptures

by psychopassblue



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: I had way to much fun writing Dirk for this, I have very much neglected Farah in this first part, I love him, I'm just posting this to test the waters and see how it's recieved, M/M, Misfits AU, and involve heavy subjects, and murder further down the line, because she will be here, but I do feel compelled to mention that this story will get very dark, come back a little later, everyone is like a rebellious twenty-something version of themselves, he's such an asshole, nonconsensual sexual interactions, not currently finished, now onto tags regarding the actual story, okay so now onto the low-key more serious stuff, so if you're looking for her, so please stay safe and proceed with caution, such as abuse of power over others, there's not a lot of it, young offenders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-04-16 00:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14152227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychopassblue/pseuds/psychopassblue
Summary: Life has a habit of being needlessly complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I noticed a severe lacking in AU fics in this fandom, and AUs are completely my jam, plus Misfits is like one of my favourite shows ever so I had to combine it with Dirk Gently, and juts see what happened. This fic is a Misfits AU, but I've only taken very minor plot points so no actual knowledge of Misfits is required. The only premise you need is that a group of young offenders get caught in an electromagnetic storm while on community service and they develop super powers. it sounds really shit but its actually really good, and I would recommend Misfits to everyone, because its very much in the same vein as Dirk Gently, in that its a very quirky slightly offbeat premise, only its British and insanely crude. Would recommend.
> 
> SIDE NOTE: I do refer to Dirk as a 'redhead' in this, which I know is not strictly true, he's auburn at best, but I refuse to be one of those twelve year old Wattpad authors who make up descriptive referencing words for every hair colour, because they just sound too 'fanfiction-y' I guess??? like I get that this is fanfiction so that should be okay but I just don't like them okay, fight me. Also, I completely detest the word brunette, like I have no idea why I just hate it and refuse to use it.
> 
> anyway!! enjoy
> 
> UPDATE: Hi guys, its me again, coming at you with a kind of update but not really an update idk honestly, like I haven't really advanced the story much from where it was last (For anyone whos read this before) however, ive done some major editing on everything that was previously here, I've switched up basically all the dialogue in one way or another, and I've rewritten a few parts and added like one extension to a sequence, so even in you have already read this you might wanna read it again idk you don't gotta but id love it if you did. 
> 
> also theres a cool like audience participation/request thing i'm thinking of doing, which I go into more detail in the end notes, so please check that out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess whos back??? me.
> 
> ok, so I don't remember if I went over how i'm planning to post this story in the previous chapter notes, but basically i'm going to update this with new chapters pretty much randomly as I write this, and then when its all finished, I'm gonna edit the full thing and repost it as a one shot.
> 
> now that the boring stuff is out of the way, i'm actually so thrilled by the response this has been getting. yall seem to really like this trash I'm gonna keep writing it, and you've all been really nice about any constructive criticism so thank you all so much for that.
> 
> this chapter is significantly shorter than the last one, but its pretty intense so I think it evens out. this chapter is mainly about The Storm™ (if you've seen misfits,, you already know what the fucks goin on) so i'm still in the process of developing the setting, and sadly theres not much development on the overall story, but more plot related stuff is coming soon I promise, so please bare (bare????? idfk) with me if youre enjoying this
> 
> please leave kudos if you enjoyed this, and feel free to leave comments with any questions or criticisms you may have!!

“This is your chance to do something positive, to give something back. That’s what community service is all about.” It’s one of the most difficult tasks imaginable to be the sole motivator of an activity, when you yourself can’t find a fuck to give. However, opening a correctional program by admitting that no one actually gave a shit about the four screwups in attendance or their rehabilitation would probably not bode well for the future. “There are people out there, that think you’re scum.” That got a laugh. “But you have an opportunity to show them they’re wrong.” One of the four, a tall redhead, raised his hand.

“Yeah, but what if they’re right?” A blonde girl at the far end doubled over laughing. The aforementioned redhead leaned out of the line-up to shoot her a look. “Um, did I miss something?” The other two standing between them (a clean and relatively put together looking girl with dark skin, black hair and a terrifying aura, and a short guy of seemingly indeterminate age, who probably got caught selling weed to an upper middle class thirteen-year-old, or at least he seemed the type) stayed silent. “Is there something wrong with her?” He asked, directing it at their supervisor this time. “Y’know, mentally?”

“I’m sorry,” The blonde seemed to find her words in between gasping. “I was _not_ expecting that.” She threw herself against the wall behind them, no longer laughing, just breathless. “Man I thought _I_ had an accent, you’re really somethin’.”

“Um, thank you?” The supervisor cleared his throat, fixing blonde girl with a reprimanding stare. She held her hands up and mouthed ‘sorry’.

“Now, we all know why we’re here.” The redhead threw an ‘oh you don’t say’ look at the short, scruffy-looking guy next him. “We might as well get it done.” He gestured to the right of the group to a heap of craft store brushes and four tins of white paint sitting beside some old benches. “I don’t think I have to explain what to do, so,” He glanced at his watch. “I’ll check back in an hour.” He scribbled something onto his clipboard and turned back into the grey community centre. Tall redhead held up two fingers.

“Wanker.” The blonde girl started laughing again and collapsed onto a bench.

“Wow Brit, you really oughta get with the program.” She smiled and flipped him off.

“Thanks for the cultural lesson, Blondie,” He said, settling down to wrestle with one of the paint cans. “And my name isn’t brit, its Dirk.” Blondie snorted. Dirk squinted at her, his mouth hung slightly open. “What could you _possibly_ have found funny about what I just said?”

“Ain’t my fault you gotta dumb name.” Dirk frowned, managing finally to prise the lid off the tin of paint. He took the can by the handle and picked up one of the rapidly moulting brushes, moving over to the second bench where possible drag dealer and scary girl were working silently.

“So, what’s your name?” Dirk said, choosing a spot next to the short guy.

“Todd.” He- Todd- didn’t look up. Dirk nudged his shoulder, which appeared to be the wrong decision for prolonging conversation.

“So, Todd, what did you do? Honestly, I had you pegged as a drug dealer, kinda just wanted to know if I was right.” He shot a warning look at Dirk. “So that’s not it.” He grabbed Todd’s wrist, dropping his hand onto his upper thigh. “Did you touch someone? Is that it? I could see you doing that.”

“Get off o’ me, asshole.” He snatched his hand off Dirk’s leg and held it to his chest. “I don’t havta tell you shit. If you wanna talk so bad, what’d you do?”

“Well, look who’s keen now.” Dirk shifted closer, nudging Todd with his shoulder. the way he squirmed was endearing. “Breaking and entering, and petty theft.” Todd squinted at him.

“No.” He turned back to the bench. “No that’s not true. I _know_ that’s not true.” Dirk reached out and flicked Todd’s paintbrush, spattering paint onto his jumpsuit.

“And how d’you know that?” He smirked a little watching Todd’s eye twitch. “What makes you such an expert on crimes I may or may not have committed?”

“I know the law. You get jail for B and E, not busy work.” He dropped his paintbrush back into the pint tin and turned back to Dirk with all the aggression of a boy not quite done with puberty. It was almost cute.

“Maybe they didn’t want me in prison.”

“That doesn’t happen.”

“Clearly you don’t know the law as well as you thought.” He shifted a bit closer to Todd and hugged his knees. “Isn’t that one of the main reasons people get community service? Y’know, it’s your first offence, or they feel bad for you.” He leaned into Todd’s neck, and whispered. “Or you’re a mental case.” Todd grabbed the collar of his shirt and threw him backwards onto the ground. Blondie screamed.

“What the _fuck_ , dude. Why’d you do that?” She jumped off her bench and held Dirk’s head off the ground. Her thumb pressed a little too hard into the corner of his eye. Dirk squinted up at the sky.

It looked different than it had before. It all seemed somehow more menacing. Maybe it was darker. Just a little bit darker. The clouds weren’t white anymore. The sky wasn’t blue. Everything amalgamated into a sludgy grey blob, pushing into the tops of skyscrapers. It felt strange to watch. Like he was witnessing something he shouldn’t be. A jagged white line cracked through the clouds, and Blondie was screaming again. Everyone was screaming. But it felt like his head was wrapped in cotton wool. He was aware of the noises, but a wall of interference blocked them from his ears. He was floating. He thought he was floating. He must have been. His hands lifted from the ground, the tips of his fingers just barely making contact. The screaming stopped.

And he fell.

Dirk’s head hit the sidewalk. He felt something akin to electricity zap his brain, and he shot up, clutching his head.

“Holy _fuck_.” Dirk looked over his shoulder to the source of the voice, and saw Blondie laying haphazardly against the side of the community centre with one leg in the air. Her eyes were screwed shut, ground her palm into her temple.

“Alright there, Blondie?”

“My name’s Tina, you bum.” She blinked and set about pushing herself off the wall with her forearms.

“Duly noted.” He winced, feeling a sting in his left temple. From its placement he found it plausible that he and Tina were experiencing the same issue. A quick preliminary glance at his immediate surroundings told him that they were also two short of their initial group. “Hey, did you at all happen to see where Todd and, uh, Whatserface went?” Tina stumbled towards him, her left eye screwed shut and twitching.

“As much as I’d love to help-” She slapped herself hard in the temple. “-I didn’t see much o’ anything.” Dirk felt a sudden urge to replicate her previous action.

“Fuck, you were out as well? Wait, did you-” He glanced around and took a cautious step towards her. “Did you feel it?” She took a step back.

“Did I feel what now?”

“ _It_ , did you feel it?” He took another step towards her, and she took another step back. “It was like an- um, a _zap_ , when the sky went weird, like- like a lightning strike, but less fatal.” He hunched over, his hands clasped, speaking more to himself than Tina, which ultimately did not aid in her comfort with the exchange currently taking place. “You- you were holding your head, so you _did_ it- d-didn’t you? I’m not going crazy, you could feel it too, tell me you could feel it too.” Her mouth opened, only to be interrupted by a strangled groan coming from around the corner she had been thrown against. Tina took off down the building side, Dirk trailed after.

The alley was dark and shadowy, and altogether much too sinister looking for the side of a rec centre. This did little to deter Tina. She charged down the passage, gripping Dirk’s wrist to pull him with her. Around half way in, she stopped dead. Something was moving behind the block of shadow that obscured that far wall. It was coming closer, and it seemed to be limping. The other girl from before, the scary one, came staggering into the sunlight, holding her stomach and twitching.

“Hey, you okay? You’re not lookin’ so hot.” Tina reached out to touch the girl’s shoulder, promptly getting her hand smacked.

“Don’t touch me.” She wasn’t visibly injured, but the way she kept holding her ribs was more than a little troubling. She stumbled forward a little bit, inevitably falling back into the wall. Tina reached out again and took her arm across her shoulders. Dirk looked back over his shoulder towards the back of the passage. A kind of static filled his ears as he stared at the wall. Something was still down there.

“Hey Brit.” His head snapped back around to Tina, who was currently helping the other girl sit down against a wall. “The other guy’s still down there. Farah says he got knocked out. Hopefully at least.” He nodded quickly and turned back down the passage. The sound was grating, but he was drawn to it. With every step, it got louder. He stepped into the shadows, and the static became words.

_‘Cold’_

_‘Pain’_

_‘Blood’_

_‘Blood’_

_‘Drip’_

_‘Dripping’_

_‘Blood’_

They flitted through the air and buzzed around his head like flies as he came to the far wall. A figure lay crumped at his feet. He cast a glance over his shoulder and crouched down beside the body’s head. He pushed its shoulder, exposing a familiar face.

“Todd?” He looked decidedly worse off than Farah, clearly having borne the brunt of whatever it was. Dirk jerked a hand out and pushed his hair back, revealing a gash of indeterminate depth and severity from which blood was slowly seeping. The full extent of the damage was unclear through the film of blood and sweat covering his face. He looked back over his shoulder. Farah laid against the wall while Tina dabbed the blood from her arms. He stuck his hands under Todd’s arms, dragging him into the dampened sunlight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, look at me tryna be productive n shit.
> 
> I guess this is another kind of update but not really an update, cus i'm shit. some of this chapter if new stuff which i'm proud of and its lead up to the first kind of development for the plot I guess, so that's exciting, but most of it was alreay in the story. I'm basically just messing around with formatting and its probably gonna be hella confusing for most of the creative process but once its done it should be a lot more straight forward.
> 
> anyway!! please enjoy, also, if you haven't checked out the end notes of the previous chapter, go give them a read bc it got details about something cool I'm trying to do with his universe..

“Is it bad?” Todd asked, his eyes crossed in a futile attempt to examine his own forehead. Tina prodded at the cut, pulling the torn skin in a few different directions to determine both its depth, and the extent to which they should or should not be worried, before sitting down in front of him.

“You’ll be fine,” She said, wiping the blood off on the leg of her jumpsuit. “It’s all bark an’ no bite.” She leaned over to push his hair back into place over the cut, and scooted back into the little circle the four of them had made. Todd cast a glance around the group. No one looked back.

“How long was I out anyway?”

“We don’t know how long any of us were out.” Farah said, momentarily taking her eyes from the ground.

“Blood was still fresh when I found you.” Said Dirk, fishing around in his pocket. “So it can’t’ve been that long.” He pulled out a silver zippo lighter and laid it on the ground, sticking his hand back into the same pocket, and then the other, producing nothing. “Oh for _fuck’s_ sake, where the fuck- I put them in here last night.” Todd gave him a strange look.

“You put what in-”

“My _fags_ , my fucking fags, I thought I picked them up this morning.” He threw his head down and pulled at his hair. He could feel himself tense up at the onset of the static in his head. It wasn’t clear like last time. Whatever last time had been. The words weren’t clear, it was more like cacophony of overlapping voices. He ducked his head and held his hands over his ears, which did little to quiet the sounds.

“I’m sorry,” Tina said. “Your fuckin’ what now?” Dirk glared at her.

“My _cigarettes_ , you cousin fucker, I forgot my cigarettes.” His knee twitched as he reached for the zippo to put back in his pocket. “Does anyone have anything because I fucking _need_ something right now.” He looked across the circle at Todd, who held his hands up.

“I think I have a sick of gum in my locker.” Tina said, in the tone of a person who thinks they are a lot more helpful than they actually are.

“And what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”

“Chew it, you weirdo. I thought it might help the cravings.” She threw her hands up and furrowed her eyebrows, clearly unused to the savage reality of addiction.

“I’m not trying to quit, I just want a smoke. Why are you all being so weird about it?” Fags were Dirk’s failsafe for getting through the day and dealing with life. If you showed Dirk someone who got through life unaided, he could show you a liar.

“Well.” Dirk rolled his eyes at the sound of Todd’s voice. These were not to be words of wisdom. “It’s a filthy habit.” Dirk gaped at him.

“Oh fuck off, you hobbit.” Todd flipped him off, glaring at him like this was the most infuriating interaction he’d ever had in his life. Dirk dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his eyes.

_‘Holy shit, would I?’_

His head snapped up.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Todd was still glaring.

_‘Ugh, I completely would what the fuck is wrong with me’_

“No seriously, what the fuck?” Todd’s eyes went wide for a split second, like he’d been caught out in an embarrassing pastime, then reverted back to a glare.

“I didn’t say anything.” He still looked a little rattled, even through the thick layer of distain.

_‘He’s a fuckin’ lunatic, and, like, the most obnoxious piece of shit, just need to keep that in mind’_

Dirk crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling very exposed. Tina leaned over and grabbed his shoulder in what was in theory, a symbol of comfort, but in practice, irrefutably startling.

“Dude are you feeling okay? You’re lookin’ pale.” She stood up, grabbing his arm. “C’mon, let’s go get you some water.” Dirk nodded slowly and allowed himself to be dragged towards the front doors with all the coordination of a rag doll. He looked over his shoulder and saw that Todd was still eyeing him with some degree of caution. The words in his head reverted back to static the further away Tina dragged him, some sick part of him still wanted to know what they said. The door cut off his train of thought as it slammed behind him. Tina’s grip on his arm tightened as she dragged him towards the water dispenser. She let go of him to fiddle with the machine, and he slid onto the floor where Tina soon joined him. She pressed a cup into his hands and threw an arm around his shoulders.

“I think I’m going insane.”

“I fully agree.” He couldn’t help but smile a little and drop his head onto her shoulder.

“Bit of a bold statement that,” He said, his words partially malformed by Tina’s shoulder pressed into his cheek. “Considering you barely know me.”

“All sane people are just liars waitin’ to be exposed.” A weak laugh escaped his throat.

“Profound words, wouldn’t have expected that from you.”

“Well, actin’ smart’s no fun.” Dirk nodded, bringing the cup up to his mouth and chewing lightly on the Styrofoam. “You gonna tell me what happened back there?”

“Fucking hell.” He set the full cup down between them and brought his knees to his chest. “It was like, fuck I don’t even know. It sounds so fuckin’ crazy.” Tina tightened her arm around his shoulder, pulling him in closer and stroking his arm.

“Can’t be crazier than the rest o’ today.” She grabbed the cup from the floor and pushed it back into Dirk’s hands. “Drink your water and tell me, ya baby.”

“It was like I could hear his thoughts.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, please feel free to leave a comment or kudos, it means so much to me and I'm a thirsty hoe for interaction, like please ask me questions or point things out about the au like I will actually love you forever.
> 
> anyway, peace out. (its ok, I too want to throw myself off a bridge)
> 
> ANOTHER UPDATE: Honestly, I've become so much more attached to this AU than I ever thought I would be, and i'd love to expand it a lot more. Basically, in terms of the main story I have it planned from start to finish, I know exactly what's gonna happen and how, and it doesn't exactly have an open ending lets just say that. so i'd actually be really interested in writing a series of one shots set in this AU with these versions of the characters, and I thought it'd be really cool (since this fic is getting such a good reaction from people) if you could request certain prompts/scenarios that you'd like to see in this AU (particularly if it has anything to do w brotzly bc, I know its tagged, but the fic isn't focused on that and I'm thirsty to write some AU content for the boys where they don't hate each other), i'm literally open to any request, I just thought that this might be a fun way to keep myself focused on this AU without getting bored yknow???? so anyway, if you have any requests please leave them down in the comments!!!


End file.
